Should I tell people my dreams?

In my advanced dream workshops, students are invited to share their dreams with the group.

Sometimes I work on a dream with the student in real time so that they and the group can learn from this practice together.

Sometimes students help each other work on their dreams.

Sometimes people, understandably, feel shy and cautious in sharing their dreams with others.

I always emphasize that students should make the choice that feels best to them; no one is obligated to tell a dream.

If no students want to share dreams yet, I will share one of my own and work on it in front of the group. However, I occasionally receive some version of this question: “I’ve heard that you’re never supposed to tell anyone your dreams. Can I still take your workshop?” Well, of course you can take the workshop! But I will also ask you to unpack your concern.

My first question is always, “Who told you that?”

Sometimes it’s a parent, or a friend, or a schoolteacher. Sometimes it’s a yoga or meditation teacher, or something someone read in a book. But "who told you" is important because the next question is, “What was their motivation for saying that?”

Sometimes the motivation was superstition, or because their parent or teacher told them that and they don’t know why, or because that book was the only book they ever read about dreams so it must be true.

Occasionally, this concern about telling one's dreams has a real cultural context, such as a meditation teacher in a specific tradition that emphasizes the sanctity of dreams, sharing them only with designated interpreters, or, conversely, a belief in the meaninglessness of dreams, negating any reason to share them at all or perceiving them as dangerous.

In any case, if you’re going to base your own dreamwork process on such a piece of advice, it’s a good idea to know the source and motivation behind the perspective.

Let’s explore some reasons both why it is and isn’t a good idea to share your dreams with others. I’ll start with why I share dreams, and why I invite others to do the same:

• Mainstream culture marginalizes the dreaming. Dreams as dismissed as the flotsam and jetsam of nighttime house-cleaning for the brain and nothing more. Children are told, “it was only a dream,” dismissing their very real experiences of fear and anxiety that haunt them in the night. Telling our dreams makes them real again. Telling our dreams validates this entire other world that’s operating all the time, when we’re asleep and awake, just on the other side of the veil. Telling your dreams is a powerful counter-cultural act.
• We dream collectively. Ancient and Indigenous cultures around the world have honored this for millennia but the narcissistic individualism of industrialized modernity relegates dreams to the realm of personal psychology. What a disservice to shrink something so vast into such a small space! Modern studies affirm that we dream collectively before and during large-scale social upheaval. Some fascinating studies were done on the collective nature of dreaming during the COVID-19 pandemic. Working on our collective dreaming can help us feel less alone, can put together pieces of the puzzle that each person holds, can reveal material from the collective unconscious that needs to be brought to the surface. We can dream together for collective problem-solving. We can dream together to heal. Keeping your dreams private re-enforces a sense that the dream is yours and yours alone, that it belongs to your precious, individual psychology, that it should not be shared for the transformation of your community. Sharing your dreams is a powerful way to heal community.
• Sometimes we dream for others. On quite a few occasions I have dreamt that someone told me something, only to ask them about that material and to discover that this was, indeed, a secret they held close. Rather than being disturbed by my dream, they were relieved. They felt less alone. They felt seen and held. Of course, I keep those dreams confidential. It was between myself and that person. But it was definitely meant to be shared. Other times I have dreamt in synchrony with others in a way that saved us trouble and trauma. For example, my partner and I once dreamt on the same night about someone wanting to take advantage of us financially. That event quickly came to pass, but because we shared our dreams with one another, we were alert to the danger and were able to face it calmly and avoid bigger issues. If we hadn’t shared our dreams, we might have each quietly dismissed our private dreams as a personal worry; the collective nature of the dreaming amplified the signal that we needed to pay attention and protect ourselves!
• Dreams are fun! Much like stories, fables, and myths, dreams invite us into the archetypal realm, a vital aspect of the human experience. We need dreamland to thrive. In modern times, having vanquished the many gods and the cultural mythologies to the realm of out-dated fantasty, having put our nighttime dreaming into the underground realm of neural misfire, we pay for replacements. Netflix subscriptions, immersive 3D videogames, celebrity gossip, and the Marvel Universe are our dreamworld now. We outsource the creative archetypal expression onto people with high budgets, coding ability, and social agendas all while we ignore our own rich inner worlds. Telling our dreams re-claims sovereignty over something necessary, giving us a window into both the universal and the deeply personal nature of the inner landscape, and can be incredibly fun, rich, and rewarding to boot!

These are pretty compelling reasons to share our dreams, but I do have to agree that there is a time and a place. It’s not always appropriate to share your dreams. Here are some reasons I would caution against sharing your dreams:

• Dreams are intimate. They reveal parts of ourselves and our family and social systems that are the most unknown. They force us to look at conflict, to stop denying love, to work on trauma, to make change where we’re stagnant. If you don’t trust someone, if you don’t feel safe and relaxed in a space, then take a step back before you share your dreams there.
• Dreams should be interpreted by the dreamer, first. If someone around you has a tendency to interpret your dreams for you, then hold them close to your vest. You are the authority on your own dreams. A skilled dream interpreter or dream analyst may offer deep insight to help you see your dream more clearly, but they will always defer to you as the expert on your own process. Don’t tell your dreams to someone who wants to be the authority on your dreams ahead of you.
  Additionally, someone who’s not familiar with dreamwork might be disturbed by their own misinterpretation of your dream. If, for example, you have a nightmare that you cheated on your spouse, and your spouse is not familiar with dreamwork, they may take that as a sign that you want out of the relationship or that they should be suspicious. In reality, a dream like that may mean all kinds of things. It could be a clue to something missing in your relationship, or to something missing in your own psyche. It could point to a creative endeavor you need to pursue, a part of yourself that needs affection, or a part of yourself you keep hidden from your spouse that could enhance your erotic relationship if brought in more consciously. Skilled dreamwork can help you unfold what’s trying to happen, but someone unfamiliar with dreamwork might just panic, so use good judgement about sharing your dreams.
• Don't share your dream if others have not agreed to treat your dream with respect. In my group workshops, I always ask students to keep each other’s dreams confidential and to remember that the dreamer is the authority on their own dream. If you sense that someone does not respect or honor your dreaming process, then save your dreams for a space that is.

Dreams are powerful, ubiquitous, and an integral part of the human experience. They should be treated with care—not kept secret (unless a specific dream feels like it should be secret for you) nor shouted out to the world (unless a you’ve had a dream that’s for the world!). Each dream has its own trajectory, its own purpose, its own relationship with you. The more you work with your dreams, the more you’ll know the time and place to share them, or not. But be cautious of blanket rules, especially if they’re fear-based, about what to do with your dreams.

If you want to learn more about working with your dreams, this workshop is a great place to start.